


I promise

by oceantears



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Broken Promises, Character Death (off screen), Friendship, Heartbreak, Hope, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era, Maybe Sirius too?, Promises, Remus feels too much, Remus is in love, Sadness, Sirius promises too much, So many promises, Unrequited Love, i guess, too many feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 06:24:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13758171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceantears/pseuds/oceantears
Summary: After all, promises can't be broken.





	I promise

**Author's Note:**

> Written by me.  
> Hi, thank you so much for clicking on this! (I'm sorry for the shitty tags, this OS is hard to describe).  
> Basically, Sirius promises too much, and Remus believes him. Or he used to, at least.
> 
> I really, really hope you'll enjoy this piece, I personally love it, but I guess I'm prejudiced. :) 
> 
> IMPORTANT: For the sake of this fanfiction, let's pretend that the marauders figured out that Remus is a werewolf in their fifth year. Otherwise, the "timeline" wouldn't have worked out so well. Sorry for that. 
> 
>  
> 
> English isn't my first language, so I'd be grateful if you could tell me where I made mistakes.  
> Thank you and enjoy (hopefully)! :)

It's halfway through their first year in Hogwarts, and the whole world seems to be made for Remus and his friends. He is still in awe that he has friends now, friends he loves, friends that love him. Friends he can eventually trust enough to tell them all of his secrets, even the most horrible ones. Eventually.

Remus loves every single one of the marauders, because they're all perfect to him. None of them has weaknesses, scars or insecurities. They are invincible and because he is part of them, he's invincible too.  
That's what Sirius had promised him, not too long ago, when Remus had had a bad day and had sat sulking at the Gryffindor's table in the Great Hall.

Noticing the other boy's mood, Sirius had moved closer to him and had slung his left arm around his friend. "You know, Remus", he had whispered, bringing their faces close to one another, "don't be sad. Whatever may bug you, believe me, it doesn't matter. We're the marauders, and you are a part of us. We're invincible, and therefore, so are you. I promise you that." 

Then Sirius had smiled, a blinding, confident smile, and had resumed his conversation with James. Remus had just sat there, shocked and awed, Sirius' words still in his ears.  
It had been a promise Sirius had given him, the first one Remus had ever received.

On that day, Remus had been foolish enough to believe it.

\----

Sirius paints pictures with his words, pictures of the marauders and their future, which is bright and full of adventures. Sirius promises that one day, these pictures won't be just pictures anymore, they will be reality.

His friends believe him, because the pictures Sirius paints for them are glorious, and what boy wouldn't want to have a glorious future?  
The boys believe Sirius because they want to.  
Remus believes him, because it's _Sirius_. He'd believe everything the other boy promises him.

After all, promises can't be broken.

\----

He's thirteen, and he's in love with Sirius.  
It's not the incredible, beautiful feeling his mother had always described when they were talking about love.

To Remus, loving Sirius is torture, because he knows that the other boy won't ever love Remus as much as Remus loves him.  
To Remus, love feels like a heavy weight that crushes him, every day a little bit more.  
To Remus, love is a curse.  
He is only thirteen, and he knows that love is harsh and cruel. Sirius tells him so.

One day, the marauders are walking to the lake, wanting to visit the giant squid. It's a beautiful day, and all of them are carefree and happy, young and feeling free. As they are walking, Sirius - who is the first, for he is the fastest - turns around, a bright smile on his face, as always, and he looks at all of his friends, one after the other. "I love you", he says. "You're the best friends I could've asked for. James, Remus, Peter, I love you. I promise that." Then Sirius grins again, full with happiness and the love he apparently feels, and he turns around and runs towards the lake, cloak blowing after him in the wind.  
With a shouted "You impossible sap!", James takes after him, chasing his friend and Peter follows, albeit a bit slower.

Remus is the only one who stops, instead of running.  
His insides seem to burn, and he's too surprised by the declaration his friend just made to do anything. He feels lied to, and he knows it's not Sirius' fault, no one's fault expect maybe his own, because he developed feelings for the other boy. Feelings that Sirius will never reciprocate, no matter what he says or _promises_ Remus.

 

Remus is thirteen and in love, and for the first time he doesn't believe Sirius' promise.

\----

They are fifteen, and Remus trusts his friends more than he ever has before.  
They have found out who he really is, _what_ he really is, and they still accept him, still love him.  
They all promise it, but of course it was _Sirius_ who initiated the promise.

"You know, Remus", he says, quietly and with more honesty in his voice than Remus has ever heard before, "this doesn't change anything for us. You're still you, and you being a werewolf doesn't makes us hate you or anything like that. We don't hate you, _I_ don't hate you, we all love you.  
You're still our friend, you're still the same person to us, I promise. I trust you, we all do. You being a werewolf doesn't change anything about the fact that we'll always trust you. I promise you that."  
James and Peter nod after this little speech, and Remus, still sitting in the ugly bed of the hospital wing, nods too, smiling, and tearing up, _because he believes them._ They love him, they trust him, and he believes them. After all, they promised him. _Sirius promised him._

Remus is 21 when he learns that this promise had been a lie, too.

\----

They are seventeen, and the war is at its peak. Sirius promises more than he ever has before.  
Remus begins to hate him. 

Sometimes Remus can't tell the difference between love and hate. He loves his friend, that much is clear to him, but at the same time he also hates Sirius whenever he utters the words "I promise". Remus hates his friend a little bit more for every promise he makes.

Everyone else loves Sirius for them.

 

When they lie in bed at night, Remus' bed next to Sirius' and they're the only ones still awake, then sometimes Sirius will look at Remus as if he was trying to see into the other's soul. Remus doesn't turn around when this happens, no matter how vulnerable he feels, no matter how much his senses tell him to. It's the closest he'll ever get to a honest declaration of love from Sirius, and if the uncomfortableness and total vulnerability he feels while being stared at, while his soul feels as if it was open on display before Sirius' eyes, if this is the price for the feeling of belonging, _of feeling loved_ , then he's willing to pay it.

So he never turns around, never ignores his friend, and he always listens to Sirius' promises, even when no one else is awake and Remus could pretend to sleep, too.  
"You know", Sirius whispers, breath warm, Remus can nearly feel it, despite the distance that's inbetween their beds, "you know, Remus, one day we will live like kings. We will rule our own little kingdom of happiness together, you, James, Peter and I. I promise you." The smile is evident in Sirius' voice, and Remus insides clench, because he used to believe that, too.

Sometimes, he still does.

 

There are promises that Sirius can whisper in those nights, promises that Remus will believe because he has no other option left.  
"We will always be friends, Remus, I promise you", is one of these promises, because how could Remus _not_ believe this? How can he not guess, hope, believe that they will always have each other? If he doesn't trust Sirius with this, then he can trust no one with anything.  
And therefore, Remus believes.

He belives Sirius when he whispers of the cottage the four friends will share when they're out of school, the adventures they will have, the utter happiness they will feel. Because Sirius promises him.

 

But there are also promises that Remus doesn't believe, _can't_ believe.  
If he did, it would kill him.  
"I love you, Remus, I promise.", is one of these. "One day we will experience the peace", is another one. For Remus, there is no peace. Not in his mind, not in his body, and most of all, not in the world. There are certain promises not even Sirius has the right so say.  
He does it anyways.

(And Remus ~~loves~~ ~~hates~~ loves him for it.)

\----

Remus used to believe every promise Sirius told him. He used to, but he stopped when he fell in love.  
He stopped believing when his friends were asleep and Sirius whispered promises and lies, so entangled in one another that not even he himself was able to difference them.  
He stopped believing when Sirius thought him to be a traitor at the age of twenty-one.

But most of all, he stopped believing in Sirius' promises when Sirius - beautiful, honest, lying Sirius - died.

 

There are no promises for Remus Lupin, not even false ones.  
Not anymore.

 

 

 

_"Moony?"_  
_"Yes, Padfoot?"_  
_"We're invincible. We will never die. I promise."_


End file.
